There is Sunlight at the End of the Winter Tunnel

Here we are, the end of February. One of the two months I struggle with, physically and mentally, then again, the two go hand in hand with ones well-being. Knowing that March will soon be here, we are at the halfway point. There is a light at the end of the dark dismal tunnel. I will eventually feel green grass beneath my feet and once again have sun-kissed skin. I chuckle to myself when people say the days are getting longer. No. It’s not possible. The days aren’t getting longer; there are still only 24 hours in a day. Just as the groundhog seeing his shadow or not, let’s us know how many weeks are left until spring. Regardless of the outcome, the date on the calendar doesn’t change. Pessimist? No, it’s reality. Right now, the weather is wonky. Sub zero one day, then 50° and raining the next. Some things got to give. In due time, the sun will shine for longer periods, the ground will begin to thaw, the ice and snow will melt, and slowly, our surroundings will begin to awaken after a long winters nap.

If I could hibernate, like a bear in the winter, I most certainly would. Get it done with, get it over with. Unfortunately, as a human being, I’m not given such a luxurious sounding option. The best I can do is curl up with my beloved weighted blanket and binge watch Netflix. Then the guilt sets in. I should be doing something. Something productive; cleaning, organizing, moving wood…..anything, besides being idle.

In a world and society of go, go, go, we forget that winter is a time for rest and renewal. Simple acts that we deny ourselves of. It’s the perfect time to do those little things that we find relaxing and nourishing to the mind and soul. We all need some good old Self-Care!! Myself, I love to read, knit, work on smaller projects (because they feel like huge accomplishments) and, of course PHOTOGRAPHY and WRITING!

A month or so ago, I couldn’t do anything. Not even get out of my own way. My mind was everywhere, I was fidgety and restless. I had no motivation. The best I could do was pace or sit, with my brain in a fog. I needed something. Some well over due self-care. I was scrolling through Facebook and this business page that I follow was offering a soothing-energy massage. Without hesitation, I messaged the woman and made an appointment. It was the most amazing experience I had ever had. In the past I have had massages, typically deep tissue, because I work my body to the brink of disaster and I hold everything in my shoulders. This massage was completely different and like nothing I had ever felt, nor, literally seen.

After driving an hour and a half, I arrived at my appointment. Kathy, the owner, sat with me at a table , got some of my background, and asked what was going on physically and mentally. After chatting for a bit, I undressed, laid on the table, face up, and covered myself with the softest warmest blanket. The massage started off with Kathy vigorously but at the same time gently, massaging my head. As she worked down my body, her hands lightened, to a soothing rub. Once both sides, front and back, were done, she had me lay face up again. This is when my life was transformed. The next part of my massage, which was over 90 minutes in all, was Reiki. Energy work at its finest.

So now I have to back up. Over the winter, my one salvation has been my new found love. Robbie. Full name “Zips Rockin’ Robin”. A beautiful 21 year old registered paint, who is also part quarter horse. I was introduced to her and her owner, Joanne, back in October. For the past four months, I have been driving over an hour, one way, numerous times a week, just to spend time with Robbie (I also use that time to visit with my parents and run errands). I help feed Robbie and the other horses in the morning and clean their stalls as well as tend to Robbie’s needs. I was able to ride her a couple of times in the fall, but once we removed their shoes for the winter, riding was over until spring. I am fine with that. I’m content just pulling her from her stall, brushing her, combing out her mane and tail, checking her body head to toe, for any changes or sores. I talk and sing to her, I lay my head on her neck and inhale her wonderful horse smell. When Jesse had Covid in December, I didn’t see Robbie and Joanne for 3 weeks. The day finally came and I was at the barn first thing. As I stepped foot in the barn she heard my voice and stuck her face, and her huge brown eyes, up against the stall door. I pulled her out and tied her off and we started our normal routine. To my surprise, she wrapped her neck around my head and shoulder and just stood there for a few moments. It was my first hug from a horse. My horse.

Just like any other living, breathing creature, (myself included) Robbie has quirks. She was born at the barn and sold at the age of two. Years, and I mean years later, she returned to Joanne with some issues. Picture a 1200 pound animal throwing a tantrum. It’s kind of a terrifying visual. She is what you call “barn sour” or “herd bound”. She loves her horse family and doesn’t do well with separation. She also dislikes being in her stall for long periods of time. Trust comes with time. However, the respect needs be instantaneous, with an animal that size. She is learning. As am I. I’m thankful to Joanne, for trusting me with Robbie and allowing me to be her person and for our after chores coffee chatter.

I looked into how you go about breaking a heard bound horse and one of the suggestions was using Reiki, along with ground work. As a licensed vet tech, I’ve read a lot about using reiki and other holistic mediums on animals for emotional problems, such as anxiety. It’s worth a shot right?

Now, fast forward to my massage experience. Before my massage, I was a hot mess. I wasn’t able to write. I had no desire to chase sunsets or watch the sun rise with my camera. My books sat untouched for weeks. I was just ….BLAHH and MOODY. Three days after my session, I wrote a blog, and ALL of my cameras were back to work. I felt like myself again. Kathy had aligned and cleared my chakras, and all I can say it was COLORFUL! Just like my sunrises! Before I left Kathy’s studio that day, she told me that I would learn reiki.

A month later, this past weekend, I obtained my Level 1 certification in Reiki. It is thought that reiki is learned to assist and to help heal others, which it is, but it begins with healing yourself first. Which I feel everyone and anyone could benefit from. If you yourself are not healed and your energy is askew, you have nothing left to offer, not even to yourself. It’s also not a one and done deal, it is a matter of taking time every single day for your own self-care; self healing reiki, meditation and daily affirmations, whether it be only 5 minutes or up to an hour. I do my daily routine early in the morning, and it makes a difference in my day.

I suffer from anxiety. I never knew it until I was an adult, but looking back into my childhood, I can see it now. I remember laying in bed at night and seeing a wall covered in clocks. All different types of analog clocks. Cuckoo clocks, large faced clocks, small antique clocks, all with spinning hands. The more I watched, the faster they spun. I couldn’t even tell time at this point in my life; I was that young. In my adolescence the anxiety was more internal, having stomach aches and feeling exhausted and then as an adult I would allow it to fester, pushing it on the back burner, until I felt like I was having a stroke, which would turn into a full blown panic attack. As my daughters got older, I worried non stop about everything. I joked I was a professional worry wart, worst-case scenario brain. When I asked Kathy, my mentor, about reiki and anxiety, she said, “Anxiety is fear based. The opposite of fear is Faith”. I have found that when I start having intrusive thoughts, taping my thumb and middle finger together and repeating “Faith” brings me back to the moment.

I have FAITH that using reiki on Robbie will help her and her anxiety, as horses are very intuitive. Until better weather approaches and the ice melts away, we can continue building our bond and trust in one another. For now, as I eagerly await my certification in Level 2, which makes me a practitioner in March, I’ll keep working on myself and sharing some of my good energy with Robbie. Honestly, I don’t know who is helping who. But I have a feeling, with a new mindset, this next month is going to fly by, and good things are coming, for both of us.❤

There’s something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.

Winston Churchill